Clark Overweight? The Fit Dad

After a holiday known for huge meals, a new theory has emerged about the disappearance of Clark Kent. Rumors are circulating that Kent has become overweight and embarrassed by his sudden flabbiness. There have even been photos by the paparazzi in gossip magazines showing Kent hanging out all over the place in a red speedo swimsuit on a recent vacation with Lois in the Bahamas. But many fans feel this these claims false. Fans like personal trainer Ed and his alter ego The Fit Dad who are here to share his expertise on the topic with the public.

Clark Kent. Oh how I love that Clark Kent. Not in the love kind of way... but the love kind of way like I love working out. The bro kind of way where two bros can love each other and not have to worry about... oh hell, this going downhill fast and I don't know to stop it without shoving my foot down my throat.

The point is he's a cool dude and he's gone missing. Maybe my alter ego, The Fit Dad can find him.

Yes, I have and alter ego and min is just as cheesy as Superman (and I say that out love because I'm a total Superman geek).

During the day I'm a mild mannered personal trainer whipping people into shape who then goes home to help take care of the coolest little girl in the world. But sometimes my other side has to come out.

The side of me that really whips people into shape and gets a little cranky when they do things like not listen to me and go out and buy some $100 piece of junk off an infomercial because that super hot fitness model said it whittle away their big flabby gut in 2 days.

The side of me that grumble and groans when I design a workout program for someone, then they misplace it even though I emailed it to them and gave them a hard copy.

There's not much difference in the way I look from my Fit Dad alter ego, kind of like Clark and Superman. I wear shorts, t-shirt and tennis shoes. Fit Dad? Well he wears the same damn thing I do except he might rip the sleeves off his shirt and tear his shorts kind of like the Incredible Hulk (except the crotch, why doesn't the Hulk's pants rip in the crotch? Not that I want to see that or anything - just asking.)

The point is Clark needs to be found and The Fit Dad needs to find him. Is he at the desk sipping coffee and eating a donut? No.

Is he at the Daily Planet gym sweating out reps of squats next to that hot little Lois Lane?

Sadly no, which means I have to keep looking.

Ahh, there he is. He¹s at Starbucks slamming down extra grande mocha frappe latte mochaccinos by the handful and stuffing his face full of 500 calorie muffins. Oh no wait, it¹s not him that¹s the evil twin from Superman IV. I don¹t know where he is and I give up so I¹ll just give you some fat loss tips to make up for my inept searching.

1) Stop relying on cardio so much. No, really I¹m serious about this one. I know it¹s kind of sacrilegious to tell someone not to focus on cardio because that¹s the first thing people think of when it comes time to exercise and lose weight, but it¹s not the best way for busy parents when time is of the essence.

Yes, cardio is important but it¹s not THE most important. And when you talk in terms of regular cardio it¹s probably the worst thing you can do if you want to lose weight.

You also don¹t have to spend your life in the gym. In fact you don¹t even have to go to the gym. I love doing workouts in my living room while my daughter giggles and tries to imitate my push-ups, planks, squats and lunges.

I could give you a killer workout program that can be done in 10 minutes a day using nothing but your own bodyweight and it will strip the fat off you like Mama Cass eating a slab of ribs.

The point I really try to hammer home with my Super Dads and Wonder Moms is that there are better, more time efficient ways of getting in a killer fat burning workout than attempting to pound it out on the treadmill and wasting an hour of your life.

2) Eat more fiber. That¹s about as easy as I can make the whole nutrition thing sound. If you eat more fiber, you eat more fruits, vegetables and whole grains. If you eat more of those things, you¹re going to automatically be cutting out the crap because you won¹t have room for it in your belly.

Fiber fills you up. It¹s nature¹s appetite suppressant. Because of that there¹s no need to go buying some worthless pill off an infomercial or from Biff the Muscle Dude at the supplement store.

Fiber cleans you out. I¹m not going to go into this one, just know that it does and that matters.

3) Use that thing on top of your shoulders. If you don¹t believe in

yourself, believe you can accomplish what you set out for and then use your head and think before you eat, you will NEVER accomplish your goals.

Nobody else should believe in you as much as you do because nobody else will help you as much as you can. Make sense? Think of it this way. If you don¹t believe in yourself and believe you can succeed, then who¹s to stop you from skipping a workout?

If you don¹t believe, then who¹s to stop you from stopping at Starbucks every morning and grabbing one of those 300 calorie ³coffee drinks² and 600 calorie muffin (yes they contain that many calories)? If you don¹t believe, you won¹t succeed. Period. End of story.

Are those 3 things overly simple? Maybe, but it¹s a start for someone who isn¹t doing a damn thing at the moment and that¹s a good thing. You have to start somewhere if you want to start looking like the superhero I know you are.

So start by writing down a couple goals, figure out a workout plan to stick to and start cutting out the junk food and adding more fiber. Then believe that you can achieve what you want. It will be tough, that I can guarantee. But you can do it if you stick with

it.

Have a great day and thanks for reading my little rant about Clark Kent, people not doing what I tell them and learning how to help yourself look like the superhero you are.

Ed Scow, aka The Fit Dad

Hopefully this will douse the speculation claiming Clark Kent's shame in letting himself go has kept him in hiding. Interstingly enough in April 1964 (Issue #170) President John F Kennedy requested that the Man of Steel encourage kids to join his physical fitness program (Kennedy was assasinated in 1963, but you can read the details here). Now that, as The Fit Dad went kicking around in Daily Planet gym, he came across the ninth clue in the sauna: a marked up manuscript, but it's been damaged by the steam and is barely readable. How does this fit in with all those other clues? But it's just one more piece of the puzzle that can be used to collect the Reward that's been posted.

Classifieds:

Braja's account about the unintended consequences of cleaning a certain someone's tights was a big hit and The Lunchbox was grateful to be Lost and Found In India.

Next Week: Lois to make a statement about her husband's whereabouts.